When I was 12 years old, I was a size 12 in Girls. By the time I was 14, I grew hips and other things and became a size 7 in Women's. That - at age 14 - is the skinniest I've ever been and is the smallest size I have ever worn.
When I did wear a size 7, my hips rubbed against the sides of the pants because they were so bony and wide. (True story: My mom once said while looking at an X-ray of my hips that I have" big birthin' hips". I was only 17. So I've always been curvy).
Along with my hips came some "breasteses" as I call them. I was a B cup before I knew I even had them! I remember a few girls in high school asking me to "share" in my gift of a bigger chest. As I got older I continued to grow in all places. I am slightly above average in height. However, since I was in college my weight has been up and down. My curves came back to haunt me. Now I had too many and some in the wrong places. I always exercised and dieted. I remember doing one of the original Slim Fast powdered shakes about 20+ years ago. It was disgusting. They have come a long way though!
In college it seemed like every young woman I knew had a weight struggle. No matter how healthy and well we looked, all of us wanted perfection. My friends and I looked at Victoria's Secret models and others in different magazines and on House of Style on MTV (remember that?). Even though we knew they were anorexic looking and/or somehow genetically gifted to have those bodies, deep down we wanted them too. Well, I personally, never achieved what they represented.
I'm curvy like Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Kate Winslet, Beyonce, Christina Hendricks, even Sophia Vergara. I'm sure you could name more too. All these women are sex symbols. While Victoria's Secret models still look too skinny they are not as anorexic and sick looking as they used to be, at least some aren't. I recently read an article on Plus Sized Models and how proud they are to be their size. (Very comforting to a girl like me). Some of them were models that starved themselves into an eating disorder. They are now comfortable with their bodies and would never go back to being a size 0. Why do they even make this size?? Zero is NOTHING???
Why am I writing this post? Well, I am only now, at the age of 40 learning to and maybe, just maybe, accepting my curves. Don't get me wrong I'd love to be a size 7 again, but that was my body when I was 14. When I was very sick years ago, I got to a size 8. I was 23 and very sick though. I look back at the pictures from my 20's and wish I was that size again. I was in decent shape but no matter how many sit-ups I did or what weird diet I tried, I was never happy with my body. At the time I thought I was fat. Why? Why would I think size 8 or 10 is fat? I did and so did Society (movies, TV magazines, etc). They place skinny models and actresses that have personal trainers and live-in cooks on a pedestal. If I had that, I'd be a small size too.
Now, I look at it and I know I need to improve in some places, but I am beginning to realize this is who I am. I will not be a Victoria's Secret model who can snag Adam Levine, I won't ever be a petite size, I will never be able to buy a cheap bra because cheap bras don't come in size DD and E. I am just me - curvy - and society and anyone who disagrees need to check themselves!
