Scrambled Thoughts

Yesterday was not the greatest day.  Soon after my husband and son left for their hike I could feel something not right.  I did my best to ignore the feeling.  After all, I had planned a full day - morning to myself with little things to do around the house and afternoon with the family doing whatever.  It didn't work out the best though.  I had some stomach issues. Nothing new or serious though.  It just made me feel a little weak and tired.  I did what I could and accomplished a few things (yeah me).  Missed doing a few others and felt bad about it but I was in no shape of taking them on at that point.  I had some things on my minds too, things I can barely think about without crying, things that I worry about even though it's not MY particular problem.  That is one thing I do as a depressed person, I worry a lot.  When I don't get things done the way I planned it out, I get upset.  It feels as though I let myself down and others down too.  Shit, it sometimes feel like I let the whole f'ing world down!  That is how heavy and awful the feeling of not doing something I, me, Kathy set out to do and didn't.  It is paralyzing sometimes to me.  I feel like a failure - plain and simple.
I climbed into bed (not a good sign when Kathy climbs into bed in daylight--it could be days before she gets out of it).  My husband came in and gave me a pep talk which helped.  I took some deep breaths and focused on not hiding under the covers.  Decided to keep my mind busy then with a purse swap.  I transferred my "stuff" from my old Fossil purse into my new cuter Fossil purse.  (Yes I have a thing for Fossil)  That made me feel better and we got some comfort food for dinner that did not wreak havoc on me!  Finished the night off with a little wine & a movie.  My husband was ready for bed and I wasn't quite there yet. I had to catch up on some dvr'd shows I watch and anyways, my mind was racing about these things that worry me and upset me that can't be really discussed on a public blog.  Also worrying about my son and a school choice for him.  We need to decide for certain soon.  UGH! UGH! (I love Charlie Brown words - my favorite is UGH!)
When my mind races like that it's not good.  It's just not good for me or anyone else I live with.  I turn inward and cry over ANYTHING!  I feel like all I do is wrong.  It's a horrible horrible feeling but I experience it often.  Hopefully soon it will start to be less often.
Today I kind of have a little bit of a hangover (not the alcoholic kind) from yesterday.  Feeling a little sad. Don't really want to do anything today.  I also have this thing called costochondritis which makes under my breast and chest wall hurt so I am resting today and I think that is the best thing I can do today for myself.  Just rest and breath and try to relax.  I will try!